A Quarrelsome Wife

For Thursday, September 20, 2007
Proverbs 25:24

It is better to live in a corner of the housetop
than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.

Some wives are quarrelsome by temperament. They are quick to find fault in anyone. Their husbands have the unfortunate position of being the closest target. Other wives grow quarrelsome out of unfulfilled expectations. The men they expected to be wise, loving, and godly husbands fail to meet those expectations. And so they begin to complain.

Whatever the situation, the reality is that complaining is not effective. A husband is not reinvigorated to repair the house or lead family devotions because he has been berated. What then for the wife? First, the wife needs to examine herself. Is she doing her job of being a helpmeet who encourages and supports her husband? Secondly, she needs to examine what really bothers her. Is she primarily concerned for the welfare of her husband and his relationship with God, or is she primarily put out that he is not fulfilling her personal expectations? Thirdly, she needs to examine her own relationship with God. Like Martha who was impatient with Jesus for not making Mary help her, so it is easy to become impatient with God for not making one's husband more responsive. Fourthly, she needs to exercise wisdom. Many proverbs, such as verses 11-15 in the same chapter, teach the necessity of speaking "fitly" so as to be effective. And the consistent theme is that it is the "soft" speech that is more likely to get the result intended.

The quarrelsome tongue drives away; the soft tongue draws near. The berating tongue steels the resolve of the other not to change; the soft tongue will break through that resolve. But as 25:11 points out, the key is patience. Will you, can you patiently win over your husband?

Backbiting Tongue

For Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Proverbs 25:23

The north wind brings forth rain,
and a backbiting tongue, angry looks.

The backbiting tongue is the tongue that speaks behind a another person's back. It is the negative remark, the insinuating comment that inevitably reaches the ears of the subject, striking him in the way that the north wind strikes with cold, biting rain.

Such a tongue is easy to wield, so easy we are unaware that we are guilty of speaking in such a way. A quick comment to another person, maybe in terms of a joke; however, it is done, the word gets back to the subject of the remark, who responds with "angry looks."

It is possible for someone to be over easily offended, but you need to ask yourself if there is a pattern of people getting offended with you. If you periodically get angry looks or angry remarks, perhaps the problem is not that you are around overly senstive people, but you are unnecessarily offending.

Again, the backbiting tongue is not so much a calculating tongue. The offender is not so much trying to be offensive, as he is letting his natural reactions be made known. The backbiter does not exercise control over his tongue. Well, actually he does exercise enough control to save his comment for a third party. But he feels he must tell someone, like a person having to hold his breath until he can get outside; he "has" to let it out.

If you "must," then let out your thoughts to God. Then be willing to listen to what God has to say. You might get angry looks back from him, but at least they will be for your chastisement.

Burning Coals

For Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Proverbs 25:21-22

If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat,
and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink,
for you will heap burning coals on his head,
and the Lord will reward you.

Here is the Apostle Paul's application:

"Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them... Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, 'Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.' To the contrary, 'if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.' Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

Our goal in all circumstances is to glorify God. When we are ill-treated, our thought should be to glorify God. How do we do so? We bless those who treat us ill. We pray for them. We do good deeds for them.

Our good deeds are likely to have a positive impact, causing our "enemy" to repent of his bad behavior and change his ways toward us. He will feel our good deeds as burning coals of shame. "But what if he does not change?" That is the Lord's concern. He is the judge of hearts and the changer of hearts. He will see that justice is carried out, whether or not he allows us to see how that justice is played out.

We flock to Rambo style movies where the "good" hero gets vengeance through violence. Our model for "vengeance" is to overcome evil with good. As Jesus said, "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven" (Matthew 5:43-45).

Jesus, not Rambo, is our model thank goodness. For he overcame our evil with his good. His "burning coals" on our head changed our hearts. And we who were his enemies because his brothers and sisters.

Feeling Sorrow

For Monday, September 17, 2007
Proverbs 25:20

Whoever sings songs to a heavy heart
is like one who takes off a garment on a cold day,
and like vinegar on soda.

"By the waters of Babylon,
there we sat down and wept,
when we remembered Zion."

There is a time to mourn. There is a time when it is appropriate to grieve. The religion of Scripture is not one that condemns or even tries to escape sorrow. We live in a fallen world and grief is the natural and appropriate response to the trials it brings.

"On the willows there
we hung up our lyres.
For there our captors
required of us songs,
and our tormentors, mirth, saying,
'Sing us one of the songs of Zion!'" (Psalm 137)

There is a time for grief, and when friends insist upon "happy feelings" they become our tormentors. They take off our coats, leaving us exposed to the raw cold. They hope to arouse us out of our pain, but only intensify the turmoil as vinegar on soda.

What are we to do when our neighbor mourns? Mourn with him. There is a time when mourning needs to end, but before we can insist upon that, we must earn the right to lift someone out of his doldrums. We must mourn with him. And we cannot mourn until we ourselves have felt our own sorrow.

There are worse things than not being happy. It is worse not to feel sorrow when a love is lost; it is worse not to connect with another's pain. It is worse to expend energy trying to avoid every risk of pain. The reason that avoiding pain at all costs is worse, is because it deadens the joy of the hope to come.

"When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion,
we were like those who dream.
Then our mouth was filled with laughter,
and our tongue with shouts of joy;
then they said among the nations,
'The Lord has done great things for them.'
The Lord has done great things for us;
we are glad." (Psalm 126:1-3)

It is good to feel sorrow precisely because sorrow is not the final emotion. It is not sorrow, even when we feel it, that defines our life. It is joy, not the "happy" feeling of shutting our "sad" thoughts, but the deep, real, everlasting joy of the hope that is in us, the hope secured upon a dreadful cross, that breaks through even now as the sun's rays through the clouds, that will come down out of heaven in full splendor and end all sorrow. Until that time, do not be afraid to grieve and to mourn with those who mourn.