Of Parents and Children

For Friday, February 16, 2007
Proverbs 20:20

If one curses his father or his mother,
his lamp will be put out in utter darkness.

Should this proverb be interpreted to mean if a child curses his "good" father or mother? Certainly the Scriptures instruct fathers and mothers to be good, and the premise in Proverbs is that fathers and mothers have wisdom that their children should heed. Even so, it is the specific family bond that is stressed. It is wrong to curse anyone, but to send curses in the way of one's parents is especially appalling. Indeed, it is regarded here as sacrilege.

The special nature of bond between parent and child is recognized by everyone. The reason there is much "dysfunction" in families is because offense between parent and child (particularly parent against child) carries much more significant impact. Scripture understands this; Scripture teaches it should be so. A parent is not a mere provider for the child until he reaches adulthood. "Father," "Mother," carries with that name a profound bond.

So what is your regard for your father and mother, be they living or dead? Whoever you are reading this, you have your own context in thinking about this. You may have had a wonderful relationship with your parents or a terrible one. Even so, it is vital that you recognize the peculiar relationship of a parent to a child. You may know others who are like a father or mother to you; others who may legally have taken that role. You should of course show them due deference. But if you struggle about your feelings towards your biological parents, even so, do not fall into the sin of cursing them. You do not have to excuse their sin or deny their offense. You do not have to conjure up loving feelings. But still, for your own sake, do not fall into the pit of bitterness that leaves you desiring judgment to fall upon your parents. They must answer to their own sins before God. Your curses are not needed for them to get their due. But your prayers are needed for the hope of the Spirit's work in their hearts.

Is this not what the gospel is about? Bringing hope to those who do not deserve it? It is was for his crucifiers that Jesus asked his Father for forgiveness. It was for his enemies that God sent his Son to die. If the gospel has penetrated your heart, then forgiveness (not curses) is what will come forth. You cannot change your parents; you cannot create new feelings; but you can offer the blessing and forgiveness to your parents that have been given to you in Christ.

Of Slander and Babblers

For Thursday, February 15, 2007
Proverbs 20:19

Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets;
therefore do not associate with a simple babbler.

Be a realist when it comes to confiding in certain people. The proverb does not advise that we be careful how we tell something confidential to a "babbler." We are not given tips on how to assure that the babbler will not reveal our secrets. We are simply to stay away from him. We are to keep our secrets to ourselves when in his presence.

The motive of the babbler is irrelevant. He may want to hurt you or even think he is helping you. The result is the same. Information that should not have been passed on was and will cause hurt. Don't try to reform the babbler; don't try to come up with ways to make him keep your confidence. Keep silent.

You will find this simple counsel very helpful in the workplace, home, church, and other areas where there is a web of relationships. You cannot control what others say, but you can control what you say. You can also control avoiding situations that lead to compromise. If you are in a room where gossip is being spoken, excuse yourself and leave the room. Again, focus on what you can control and avoid what you cannot.

Of Counsel and Guidance

For Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Proverbs 20:18

Plans are established by counsel;
by wise guidance wage war.

What are the benefits of counsel? One, the mere act of pausing to seek counsel reduces impulsive behavior. You are likely to give the matter more serious attention and to think more deliberately. Two, consulting with others sharpens your thinking as you explain your thoughts and as you listen to the thinking of others.

But this proverb is also presenting the benefit of "wise" guidance. It is advocating seeking the counsel of persons who are wise and possess the expertise needed for matter at hand. Therefore, as you seek counsel, seek it from those who have demonstrated wisdom and knowledge. Also seek it from those who will be forthright with you. There is nothing to gain from seeking the counsel of those who only affirm your ideas. The counselors should be wise enough to speak in such a way that does not tear you down, but in such a way that also communicates the truth.

This proverb is also presenting the benefit of wise listening. You may gather about you wise counselors, but if you do not listen well then it is a waste of time, and you only make yourself out to be a fool. If they consistently give you counsel that contradicts your thinking, are you willing to examine carefully your heart? Are they seeing what you refuse to see? Many unnecessary wars have been started precisely because of matters of the heart than of strategic thinking.

A Mouth of Gravel

For Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Proverbs 20:17

Bread gained by deceit is sweet to a man,
but afterward his mouth will be full of gravel.

Consider the gravel. There is the gravel of a painful conscience. What at the moment seemed to be exciting comes back to haunt the heart that is not given fully to wickedness. The transgressor worries about breaking God's law and its consequences. If he is not too far gone, he is troubled by the wrong has done against his neighbor.

There is the gravel of consequences. Even if his conscience does not bother him, he now must deal with the trouble of keeping up his deception. If he is found out, he must take the trouble of avoiding capture or avoiding conviction. He must take caution to protect himself from retribution.

He may avoid legal prosecution, but then must suffer the loss of his reputation. His neighbors do not trust him nor respect him. He himself is now avoided.

And then he may well find that the bread he stole is not what he thought it would be. It actually is not satisfying; it does not accomplish for him what he thought it would. He finds that his eyes and reasoning had deceived him.

What is the bread you desire? A good career? Wealth? Good looks? Break the law of God in obtaining them and you will find their sweet taste turn to gravel in your mouth.

Risky Investment

For Monday, February 12, 2007
Proverbs 20:16

Take a man's garment when he has put up security for a stranger,
and hold it in pledge when he puts up security for foreigners.

Protect your risk. When even someone you know vouches for a stranger, it is appropriate to ask for some token of assurance that your loan will be protected. This protects not only you, but impresses upon the securer the seriousness of what he is doing. Perhaps he is being too quick or feeling pressured to co-sign for the stranger. Perhaps he needs to back out of the transaction and your requirement allows for him to do so. The point is that we are not to be hasty in putting ourselves or our friends in situations that incur such a risk that leads to heartache and conflict if the third party does not come through.

Always count the cost whenever you take a risk. If you are willing to loan money, count the cost of not getting it back. If you cannot handle the loss then don't take the risk. Don't make any loan that you are not willing to lose; especially do not involve a friend in such a risk.

Now consider the investment that God the Father has made in us. He invested in our salvation with the intention that we would be made holy. Does it not seem to be a bad risk? It would have been had it not been for the one who gave up his garment of righteousness as a surety for us. For now we are counted as righteous with his garment. And more, Christ has given us the Holy Spirit as a seal for our salvation until that day we are fully sanctified and God's investment is realized.

The Father and the Son could take that risk not because they trusted in us, but in each other. They knew fully the cost and paid the full price before the risk of loss.