Rebuke and Flattery

For Thursday, January 31, 2008
Proverbs 28:23

Whoever rebukes a man will afterward find more favor
than he who flatters with his tongue.

The contrast here is between rebuking and flattering. That is essential to note, for one may think that the proverb is exalting the person who is quick to rebuke as opposed to being an encourager. The flatterer is essentially a liar; his motive is his own advantage. He flatters to win favor or to appease anger. He is thinking of himself. The rebuker's motive is advancing the cause of truth and justice AND in saving his neighbor from calamity. The very reason he will find favor is that his motive is pure and eventually becomes recognized as such.

The rebuke may be gentle; it may need to be harsh. The one who rebukes well gives thought to the occasion. Consider Jesus who at times is gentle as a lamb in the correction he gives and at other times is like a roaring lion. He speaks with discernment - discerning the occasion and the person to whom he speaks.

Again, the motive is essential and it is what controls the tongue. Just as flatterers may confuse their fair words with encouragement, deceiving themselves about their motives, so arrogant rebukers may confuse their harshness with honest admonition. "I am only speaking the truth." "I am only saying what needs to be said." And then they leave a trail of the wounded, blaming the results on the persons they have wounded.

Better to rebuke than to flatter. But use rebuke for what flattery pretends to do - to help, to build up, to save a person from downfall.